Bomb Shelter Basics

From a colleague seeking recommendations on nuclear preparedness:

I’m doing some contingency planning in the event of a nuclear strike on mainland America by evildoers. I am in the early stages of creating a spec for a bomb shelter. Any recommendations?

Lafo responds:

You are faced with a vexing problem given the small space so typical of a decently appointed shelter. People fleeing a nuclear strike will most likely have fought their way through horrible traffic and may be somewhat flustered when they arrive, so a good valet is a must. It is a nice touch to provide cars with some protection. An important person’s car is a statement, and having the wax coat protected from the nuclear flash means you are serious about pampering your guests.

Enjoying refreshments while waiting for the radiation to subside will make the difference between having “A” list people join your soiree versus a mob of pretenders. Good refreshments hydrate as well as tickle the palate. A well stocked bar will be important as the very best people denied access to communications and personal assistants will want to smooth their nerves with a libation.

After the initial energy begins to fade from the gathering there will the quite a disconcerting wait while FEMA teams clear the area of debris. EMP will make electronic devices unusable, so light reading materials are best to keep your guests amused.  A nice finishing touch when the gathering ends will be gift bags with anti-radiation pills, gas masks and gift certificates for massages. You can’t overestimate the restorative effects of a good massage after a stressful day.

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