Former Roommate writes from the Green Zone:
I had a conversation with a US Senator and his Military Legislative Affairs (MLA) staffer who were in Iraq getting a bit o’ ground truth. They asked me for my opinion about what is going on over here and I chose instead to complain about having to keep my weapon unloaded everywhere I go. How lame is that?
Lafo responds from Zone One:
Not lame, but definitely a missed opportunity. When walking in the shadow of the powerful I try to only whisper platitudes in their hairless ears so as to not distract them from navigating the velvet carpeted path of greatness. The worthy never want to hear of our problems, only how we will do our small part to enhance the glory of their solutions.
For example, I would have enlisted the services of a bespectacled intelligence analyst to research the Senate voting record and then proceeded to assure the Senator that every position he ever endorsed is progressing with stunning success. Then off to the Luxury Suite for a lively firefight and afterward a roaring cavalcade to a converted ex-palace for an illicit nightcap with some 10 year old Scotch set aside for a visit from someone as illustrious as He.
I find that breathing deeply the ass exhaust of the powerful clears the emotional bracken of extraneous self worth and assures a steady ascent to the peak of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
August 27, 2007 at 5:55 pm
And who doesn’t love the smell of ass exhaust in the morning?
August 27, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Isn’t you preferred solution a rather longwinded way of just saying suck up?
August 27, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Sucking up is tawdry, obvious and the practice of those below the glass ceiling. Weaving a carpet of attentive communicaiton on the loom of pleasing the powerful is the province of standing firmly on the glass floor. Let the long wind of serving the elite fill your sails so that you ultimately reach the Sea of Victory.
August 28, 2007 at 12:16 pm
The exposure to said fumes (ass kind and alike) is an elemental part of the climb to the top. One does not follow open mouthed but rather with spiritual FLIRs locked in position. For within the dark mist you shall see glimmering gems lighting the path through the IED laden approach road to your primary mission objective.
August 28, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Said Roomate was merely complaining of the stupitidy of the unloaded weapon scenerio - Roomate lost his taste for ass-wind during our College “dorm-room” battles of corps-squad-table induced on-command flatulance attacks. While Roomster was oft found with his “weapon” unloaded, the Bigun kept a full magazine and usually a few bandoleers full to be ready at a moment’s notice.
August 28, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Having been in the same company with Bigun for 3 years, I can attest to the full magazine!!! (He learned me well too, my wife will attest) Hey Bigun, aim some-o-that this way so I can start practicing some classy suck-up methods!…